To kiss and tell

Sometimes I get caught up in all the things in life that I forget to see what God has done for me. I was remembering back when Bryan and I first met. There were not any fireworks or signs pointing at his head saying this is the one marry him. Just a feeling that God was up to something. To start this story I probably need to back up 6 months before I met my husband. I had been finishing up my teaching degree and was basically tired of the men that I had been dating. I thought that surely life was not suppose to be like this. I began praying about the type of man that I wanted. I definitely knew what I didn't want. I didn't want to just date. I wanted what God had for me and I knew that God had someone out there for me.

Now why did I know this seeing as how I had gone through bad relationship after bad relationship. Well I guess it had a lot to do with Faith. I knew that if God is in control of this world and he loved me soo much that someone special was out there if I would wait for him. So I began a prayer journal. It started off as simple prayers but then grew. I began to realize that all those things I wanted in a guy didn't matter. I could have been specific and let me tell you I was. I wanted a red headed knight in shining armor with dimples. As time went on i realized that what I really wanted was a Man after God's own heart. I didn't need the red hair and dimples. I figured God had a plan and that was better than any plan i could of come up with.

Think about God designing someone just for you. How would that relationship be? Someone to share you life with. Through Good and bad. To laugh with and cry with. It just sounded so much easier than what I had been doing. Love is so HUGE!!! to find someone you will love unconditionally for the rest of your life is sooo big. I knew I couldn't do it on my own so I began to pray. I remember telling someone that I was praying for God to bring "him" to my front door. I mean why Not GOD is a big GOD. He could do it right?

One day I was at a wedding and bumped into and old friend who invited me to check out his church. I thought why not. I attended a service and really liked it. The following Tuesday I had just gotten home from work and it hit me. Tonight was visitation. Visitation is where people from the church come out to your house to say hey thanks for coming to church I remember sitting on my bed and thinking OH LORD you answered my prayer you are bringing him to my door. I can laugh back at in now but that feeling in the pit of your stomach right before you have to get up to give a public speech.. it hit and I started praying Lord thanks but uhhhh i am not ready please don't send him... Because God is so good and probably laughing at me, a huge freak rain storm came. We are talking flood like weather. So about 7:20 I hear the phone ring and I just knew. I ran to the phone but could I pick it up? This is me we are talking about the one who just freaked because someone was coming to say hey.. So no I sat there listening as the caller began to leave a message: Hi this is Bryan with the Singles @FBC. Just wanted to invite you to Sunday school.
I listened to that message 50 times that night. Can you just picture God looking down at you and laughing with you. Smiling that the beginning of something big was happening and he was sharing it with you. So I debated all night long about what to wear to Sunday school, what to say, i did get an invite so i wouldn't be chasing him. LOL I was a mess.

Sunday rolled around and I went to Sunday school. As I was lead to the class there was a Red headed boy standing at the door. Big Smile on his face(showing his cute dimples) and he said Hey I'm Bryan Welcome to Sunday school.

"Trust in the Lord with all Thine heart and lead not unto your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6

sundays are sometimes hard

I went to church this Sunday and was approached by a friend. She was there because one of her friends was having a hard time sitting through a service and thought a change in worship would help. See this lady's Husband had past away about a year ago and it is just too hard to sit in a service and not think about her husband helping lead the worship. Every song reminds her of him. I don't know the pain of loosing a spouse especially one you have had for 20 years and have built a life with. But I do know grief. I know what it feels like to sit in a service and hear the beautiful songs but all you feel like doing is crying and asking God to heal your heart. You feel silly sobbing in the pew while people look at you and wonder what is wrong. That pain that you feel deep inside that for some reason God wont let you push away in his presence. The pain that makes you want to crawl up in a ball and never come back out. I guess we all grieve in our own ways. Maybe that is what the worship services are doing. They are helping us to grieve. To let out what we cant during the week. To help us to know that God is still listening and hasn't gone anywhere. To give us a place to cry. My prayer is for those who go to church with a heavy heart that they will meet God and he will comfort them like no other can.

First Blog

So what does one blog? I have seen a blog or two and I am not sure I have the courage to let the world know what I think. But here goes stepping out of comfort zone. I have no clue where this will take me. Adventure is part of life.

Look out here I come!!!